Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
