lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
