I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
