The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
