my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
