I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
