the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
