the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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