I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
