remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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