We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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