You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
