dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
