He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
