Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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