We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
