I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
