bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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