i think my tv is drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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