It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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