btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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