my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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