So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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