tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
