I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
