if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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