I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
