What tipped you off? The sombrero?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
