I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
