"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
