I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
