I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
