thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I CAN MOONWALK!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
