I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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