When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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