my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i think my mom watched the whole time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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