Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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