This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
