This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize