Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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