So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
