my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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