I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Randomize
