dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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