TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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