is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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