I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
