just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
