found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
