my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
