i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
