Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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