How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize