oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
