I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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