Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
