So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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