I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
