Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed

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(770): View more from Georgia

I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.

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(716): View more from New York

I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me

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(434): View more from Virginia

NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.

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(360): View more from Washington

Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.

(303): View more from Colorado

Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?

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(361): View more from Texas

I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.

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