Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
someone threw a dead crab at me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
