P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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