Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
