The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize