I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
