you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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