3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
