Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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