I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just tell him i said nine months
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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