addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
