Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
