walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
