so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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