Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
