I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
